There’s no getting around it: Babies cry a lot. It’s how they communicate hunger, pain, fear, the need to sleep, and more. So how are you supposed to know exactly what your baby is trying to tell you? It can be tricky to interpret your child’s cries, especially at first. Here’s how to soothe your crying baby and help them stop crying, no matter why they’re wailing.
IN THIS ARTICLE
Why babies cry
Crying is normal. In the first six months, most babies cry for 45 minutes to 2 hours every day, whether they’re breastfed or bottle-fed. Some babies cry have a “witching hour” or hours every evening (usually between 6 p.m. and midnight) when they’re especially fussy. Here are some possible causes of all that crying:
Hunger
This is probably the first thing you think of when your baby cries. Learning to recognize the signs of hunger will help you start feeding your baby before the crying stage. Some hunger signs to watch for in newborns include fussing, lip smacking, rooting (a newborn reflex that makes babies cry turn their head toward your hand when you stroke their cheek), and putting their hands to their mouth.
Stomach problems from colic and gas
Tummy troubles associated with gas or colic can lead to lots of crying. The rather mysterious condition known as colic is usually described as inconsolable crying for at least three hours a day, at least three days a week, at least three weeks in a row.
If your baby often fusses and cries right after being fed, they may have some sort of tummy pain. Many parents swear by over-the-counter anti-gas drops for babies or gripe water (made from herbs and sodium bicarbonate), though neither has been proven to be effective. Get your doctor’s okay before using either of these.
Even if your baby isn’t colicky and has never been fussy after eating, an occasional bout of gas pain can make them miserable until it passes. If you suspect gas, try putting your baby on their back, grasping their feet, and moving their legs in a gentle bicycling motion.
“When my daughter was a baby she was gassy a lot, and would scream and cry in pain. I would give her some infant gas drops, lay her on my bed on her back, gently push her knees up to her belly in a rocking motion, and sing a little song. Soon she would let out some farts and be fine.”
— Wife & mommy of two
Needs to burp
Burping isn’t mandatory. But if your baby cries after a feeding, a good burp may be all they need. Babies swallow air when they breastfeed or suck from a bottle, and this may cause discomfort if the air isn’t released. Some babies cry are intensely bothered by having air in their tummy, while others don’t seem to burp or need to be burped much at all
“I can’t count how many times I’ve burped (or tried unsuccessfully to burp) my little one when she’s fussy after a feeding. Walking around and patting her on the back will sometimes let loose a huge belch – no wonder she was crying!”
— mother of one
A dirty diaper
Some babies cry let you know right away when they need to be changed. Others can tolerate a dirty or wet diaper for quite a while. Either way, this one is easy to check and simple to remedy.
Needs sleep
It seems like tired babies should simply be able to go to sleep, anytime, anywhere. But it’s harder for them than you might realize. Instead of nodding off easily, babies cry may fuss and cry – especially when they’re overtired.
“We thought our daughter was colicky for the first five weeks of life, until we read about how babies cry get really cranky if they’re exhausted. After we started putting her to sleep as soon as she yawned the first time (at any time of the day), she cried a lot less and had fewer problems with gas.”
— mother of three
“I’ve noticed that if my baby starts crying after being played with, fed, and changed, and she’s been up for a while, she is overtired! I just hold her close, talk to her in a soft voice, and let her cry. She doesn’t cry hard when I hold her like that. She makes funny fussy noises with her eyes closed. Before long, she’s sound asleep.”
— mother of two
Wants to be held
Babies cry need a lot of cuddling. They like to see their parents’ faces, hear their voices, and listen to their heartbeats, and can even detect their unique smell. Crying can be their way of asking to be held close.
You may wonder if you’ll spoil your baby by holding them so much, but during the first few months of life that isn’t possible. To give your arms some relief, try wearing your baby in a front carrier or sling.
“I like to lightly wrap my daughter in a soft blanket, hold her in a nursing position, and lightly stroke her face and head. She loves feeling my hands in her hair and calms down pretty quickly.”
— mother of four
“My son loves to hear my voice, so when he cries uncontrollably, I hold him close to my chest and tell him that Mommy is here and will protect him. Within minutes, he’s sleeping in my arms.”
— mother of two boys
Too cold or too hot
If your baby feels chilly, like when you remove their clothes to change a diaper or clean their bottom with a cold wipe, they may protest by crying.
Newborns like to be bundled up and kept warm – but not too warm. As a rule, they’re comfortable wearing one more layer than you need to be comfortable. Babies cry are less likely to complain about being too warm than about being too cold, and they won’t cry about it as vigorously.
Something painful and hard to notice
Babies cry can be troubled by something as hard to spot as a hair wrapped tightly around a tiny toe or finger, cutting off circulation. (Doctors call this painful situation a “hair tourniquet,” and it’s one of the first things they look for if a baby seems to be crying for no reason.)
Some babies cry are extra sensitive to things like scratchy clothing tags or fabric. And they can be very picky (understandably) about subtleties ranging from the position they’re held in to the bottle you offer.
“It helps me to think, ‘What could be making me uncomfortable if I were her?’ These are some possibilities I’ve come up with: Is my finger or foot stuck or cramped? Do I need to sit or lie differently? The pacifier tastes gross and needs washing. This tag or outfit is itchy. It’s colder near the floor. The light is too bright, and the TV is annoying – I want soft music instead.”
— mother
“I found that my son [once had] a hair wrapped around his penis. If you have a baby boy, be sure to check for hair in his diaper because it’s very sensitive down there.”
— mother of one
Teething pain
Teething can be painful as each new tooth pushes through tender young gums. Some babies cry suffer more than others, but all are likely to be fussy and tearful from teething at some point.
If your baby seems to be in pain and you’re not sure why, try feeling their gums with your finger. You may be surprised to discover the hard nub of an emerging baby tooth. (On average, the first tooth breaks through between 4 and 7 months, but it can happen earlier.)
Wants less stimulation
Babies learn from the stimulation of the world around them, but sometimes they have a hard time processing it all – the lights, the noise, being passed from hand to hand. Crying can be a baby’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough.” Try retreating to a quiet spot and letting your baby vent for a while.
“My 6-month-old gets very excited (overexcited would be the right word) after we have fun together. He starts laughing at the most ridiculous sounds, and when everything is quiet he starts to cry. That’s when we sit on the bed and I read to him in a very low and soothing tone. He calms down in no time.”
— Mother
Wants more stimulation
A “demanding” baby may be outgoing and eager to see the world. And often the only way to stop the crying and fussing is to stay active. This can be exhausting for you!
Try wearing your baby facing out in a front carrier so they can see all the activity around them. Plan plenty of activities. Hang out with other parents with babies cry. Go on regular outings to kid-friendly places, such as your local playground, a children’s museum, or the zoo.
“My 7-month-old wants constant activity going on around him. If I put him on the floor with his toys while I work on the computer, he fusses. He’s happiest when I pop him in a baby carrier while I wash dishes, do laundry, and other housework. He’s also especially peaceful in stores and other public places because he’s so interested in and curious about the world.”
— Mother of two
Not feeling well
If you’ve met your baby’s basic needs and comforted them and they’re still crying, they could be coming down with something. You may want to check their temperature to rule out a fever and be alert for other signs of illness.
The cry of a sick baby tends to be distinct from one caused by hunger or frustration. If your baby’s crying just doesn’t sound “right,” trust your instincts and call or see a doctor.
How to help your baby stop crying
Full tummy? Check. Clean diaper? Check. No fever? Check. Sometimes even after you’ve met all your baby’s needs, they’re still crying.
Babies cry have their own good reasons. But they don’t have the words to tell us what’s wrong, and even the wisest parents can’t read their baby’s mind. However, you can still comfort your baby, even if you don’t know why they’re upset.
Here are some tried and true methods:
- Something to suck on: Sucking can steady a baby’s heart rate, relax their stomach, and calm flailing limbs. Offer a pacifier or a finger to clamp onto and let your baby go to town.
- Snuggling & swaddling: Newborns like to feel as warm and secure as they did in the womb: Try swaddling your baby in a blanket, wearing your baby, or holding them against your shoulder to re-create that feeling.
- Music: Try playing music, singing a lullaby or your favorite song, and dancing around the room. Experiment with different kinds of music to see what your baby responds to.
- White noise: The growl of a vacuum cleaner might not seem very soothing, but many babies cry are calmed by a steady flow of “white noise” that blocks out other noises – much like the constant whoosh of bodily sounds they heard in the womb.
- Fresh air: Sometimes simply opening the front or back door and stepping outside with your baby stops the crying instantly. If it works, savor the moment: Look around, look up at the sky, and talk to your baby about the world around you both.
- Warm water: Like fresh air, warm water can soothe and put a stop to your baby’s tears. For a change from a bath, try holding your baby in your arms under a gently running shower. Don’t push it if your baby doesn’t like the noise or splashing water, but some babies cry really take to it. Just make sure your shower is slip-proof.
- Motion: The movement involved in being carried in your arms or a carrier may be enough. Other ways to get your baby in motion: a rocking chair, swing, or bouncy seat; setting your baby in a car seat on the dryer while it’s on (don’t walk away, though – the dryer’s vibrations can cause the seat to move and fall off!); a ride in the stroller or car.
- Massage: Most babies cry love to be touched, so a massage might be just the thing. Don’t worry about not knowing the perfect movements – as long as they’re gentle and slow, they should bring comfort.
What if your baby is still crying?
A crying baby who can’t easily be soothed puts a lot of stress on parents. Thankfully, as your baby gets older, they’ll be better able to soothe themself and much of the crying will stop.
In the meantime, don’t feel guilty about taking care of yourself as well as your baby. It’ll make you a more patient and loving parent. When you’re reaching your limit, try these tips:
- Put your baby down in a safe place and let them cry for a while.
- Call a friend or relative and ask for advice.
- Let someone you trust take over for a while.
- Put on quiet music to distract yourself.
- Take deep breaths.
- Remind yourself that crying in itself won’t hurt your baby – and they may just need the release.
- Repeat to yourself, “My baby will outgrow this phase.”
- Whatever you do, don’t ever express your frustration by shaking your baby.
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