Social skills are what your child will use to interact and communicate with everyone they encounter. Early on, your baby will use smiles, coos, and babbling to connect with you and other important people. (They’ll prefer to interact with you, immediate family, and their regular caregivers and won’t show much interest in other children until they’re about 1.) As your child learns to talk, they’ll learn how to make friends and communicate with others more skillfully, especially with guidance from you.
IN THIS ARTICLE
- What are social skills?
- How social skills develop
- How to help with social skill development
- If you’re concerned about your child’s social skills
How does your baby learn about their connection to other people? When do they start making friends? It all starts with you.
You are your child’s first playmate, their favorite person. Your baby delights in the sound of your voice, the sight of your face, and the touch of your hands.
With your help, your baby will become familiar with others and begin to enjoy their company too. This is the beginning of the development of your child’s social skills.
What are social skills?
Social skills are the skills your child will use to interact and communicate with everyone in the world around them. One of your baby’s initial social skills is their first genuine smile. So-called “social smiles” are a major feat of nonverbal communication, and come with other facial expressions, gestures, and body language. Your young baby will also connect with you by cooing and babbling, important steps in learning to communicate verbally with language.
Children who develop strong social skills will be able to positively connect with their family, friends, and everyone else. They’ll know how to behave properly and be able to understand written and implied rules in social situations.
How social skills develop
1 month old
Most babies are social creatures who love to be touched, held, talked to, and cooed and smiled at.
Even as a newborn, your child will begin to experiment with making faces at you. They’ll enjoy watching your face and may even mimic some of your gestures. Stick out your tongue and watch as your baby does the same.
Your baby is also listening to and learning from sounds you make. Eye contact is important, so when you talk to your baby, look in their eyes.
3 months old
Now your baby spends many of their waking hours watching what goes on around them. They may even flash a first real smile, a momentous event for most parents. Soon your baby will be an expert at “smile talk,” starting an interaction with you by sending a smile your way and gurgling at the same time.
4 months old
Your baby is becoming more open to new people at this age, greeting them with squeals of glee. Still, your baby will reserve their most enthusiastic reaction for you, a sure sign that you’ve bonded.
Your baby may start babbling, and you’ll probably see a jump in their ability to interact with you. To encourage this, talk to your baby whenever you can, even when you’re doing simple chores or activities around the house.
7 months old
For the most part, your baby is far too busy working on development milestones to really engage with another child. When two babies under age 1 are put next to each other with a set of toys, they usually play alone and not with each other.
But your baby may start to take a fleeting interest in other babies now that they’re more mobile. Most of the interaction will be limited to a glance and a grab, but once in a while your baby may smile and coo or imitate another baby’s sounds.
Your baby still prefers immediate family and regular caregivers to all others. Soon you may notice that they’re starting to be afraid of unfamiliar people (stranger anxiety) and struggling with separation anxiety.
12 months old
Toward the end of the first year, your child may begin to seem antisocial – crying when you leave their side or anxious when they’re in the arms of someone other than you or your partner. Many kids go through separation anxiety, which peaks sometime between 10 and 18 months.
Your child prefers you to the exclusion of others and may be distressed when you’re not around. Sometimes only your presence will calm them.
1 to 2 years old
Your toddler is interested in the world – in particular, how everything in it relates to them. By 18 months, your toddler may follow simple one-word commands and show affection with hugs and kisses.
Kids this age usually aren’t good at sharing because the part of the brain that helps with self-control is just beginning to develop. Between ages 1 and 2, your toddler may be fiercely protective of their toys. They’ll continue to engage in parallel play – playing next to (rather than with) other children.
As your child learns to talk and communicate more skillfully, they’ll also learn to make friends. They’ll probably enjoy the company of other kids now, both their age and older. You may notice your child imitating friends and spending lots of time watching what they do.
Your toddler will also want to assert their independence – by refusing to hold your hand when you walk down a street, for example, or by throwing a tantrum when you say no to something.
2 to 3 years old
Between the ages of 2 and 3, your child is likely to be pretty self-centered. They’re not yet skilled in putting themself in other people’s shoes. Their brains haven’t developed the connections yet to know that not everyone feels the way they do.
Your child may be getting better at sharing and taking turns but has a way to go. They could also be aggressive, hitting or biting to protect space or belongings.
Don’t worry. As your child gets older – and with some guidance from you – they’ll learn how to share and take turns and may even end up with one or two special friends.
Age 3 and up
As your child grows, they’ll enjoy and gravitate toward other people, especially other children. They’ll learn more about how to respond to others in social situations, and their enjoyment of their playmates will grow.
By age 5, many children show empathy and develop real friendships. They may care what their friends think and want to fit in. They can often share better than ever, though they may still have trouble putting another’s needs ahead of their own.
How to help with social skill development
Spend plenty of face-to-face time with your baby, especially in the first few months. They’ll love the attention and will enjoy making faces with you.
Even before your baby can babble, you’ll give their language skills a boost whenever you talk to them. While it may seem like you’re doing a monologue, your baby benefits from the interaction they have with you when you read or speak to them.
If your baby cries when you put them in a relative’s arms, take them back and try a slow desensitization process. Let them be comfortable in your arms while the other person is around. Then, have the individual talk and play with your child while you hold them.
Next, hand your baby over to the other person for a short time and stay close. Finally, try to leave the room for a few minutes and see how it goes. If your child bawls, try again later.
Your toddler can benefit from having peers around, so arrange regular playdates with other kids if your child isn’t in daycare. Make sure you have plenty of toys for everyone, though, because they might not be up for sharing with one another.
While being self-centered is perfectly natural for your 2- or 3-year-old, it’s not too soon to set an example of good social behavior for them. Let your child hear you say “please” and “thank you” and compliment someone on a job well done.
If you’re concerned about your child’s social skills
Children develop at their own pace, but talk to the doctor if you’re ever concerned about how your little one is developing. Delays in social skills can be an early sign of autism.
Here are some red flags to look for:
- At 3 months old, doesn’t smile for caregivers, avoids eye contact, or seems uninterested in interacting with people.
- At 1 year old, is uninterested in relating to anyone except you and your partner.
- At 2 years old, is overly aggressive and can’t spend time with other children without biting, hitting, or pushing them.
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