Postpartum depression is treatable and there are resources available for new moms, you may be wondering what you can do to help a partner or loved one with postpartum depression. Provide support by being a listening ear, offering to help with childcare, delivering healthy meals, going for a walk together, and helping them find the right mental health resources and postpartum depression support during this time.
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- Ask them how they’re doing
- Bring them a meal
- Plan specific ways to get together
- Exercise together
- Offer to watch their baby or older children
- Help them find the right postpartum depression support resources
If your partner, friend, or loved one is struggling with postpartum depression, they’re not alone. One in eight moms in the U.S. suffer from PPD, and a recent analysis found that the rate of depression at delivery was seven times higher in 2015 than it was in 2000 – yet going through it can still feel like an isolating, embarrassing, and even shameful situation for many moms.
The symptoms of postpartum depression are more intense than the baby blues and can include feelings of profound sadness, hopelessness and guilt, a loss of energy, irritability, and trouble sleeping. And for a small percentage of moms, symptoms of PPD can also include thoughts of self-harm or thoughts of harming their baby.
Thankfully, postpartum depression help is out there: PPD is treatable, and those who seek treatment will feel better with the help of mental health therapy, medication, and self-care. You can support your partner, daughter, sister, or friend during this challenging time, too. Here are a few simple ways to help someone with postpartum depression:
Ask them how they’re doing
This might seem obvious, but it’s easy to overlook how a mom is doing when an adorable newborn enters the picture. Dote over the baby, yes, but be sure to check in on a new mom’s feelings, too. “How are you feeling? How has life changed with a baby?” These simple questions might give your loved one the opportunity to talk about something they’ve been feeling, but haven’t been able to express.
If they’re not ready to talk, don’t force them to share their feelings. Instead, gently remind them that you’re available for them and want to offer your support whenever they’re ready. Empathy, compassion, and a listening ear go a long way to help someone struggling with postpartum depression. Rather than trying to solve the problem, let them talk – and cry if necessary.
Bring them a meal
While the phrase “Let me know how I can help!” can be very well meaning, sometimes it’s hard for new moms to ask for exactly what they want, or they may even be nervous to ask for help. Be proactive about what they might need. A mom (and their family) definitely need to eat, and healthy eating and refueling are an important part of a new mom’s recovery, especially if they’re breastfeeding.
Finding time to cook and grocery shop with a newborn can be a challenge, so gather their friends’ email addresses and send out invites to a Meal Train – an easy way for a mom’s family and friends to schedule days they’ll provide dinner. Long-distance loved ones can help, too, by sending takeout or delivery.
Plan specific ways to get together
Isolation is one of the most common symptoms of postpartum depression. You can help support a partner with depression by making plans with them, especially ones that allow for a little self-care. Go shopping for comfortable clothes that fit their postpartum body and help them feel confident.
If a friend or family member can watch the baby or you can afford to hire a babysitter, plan a movie date, or go out to dinner at one of your favorite restaurants. (You might even all go out together with the baby to one of mom’s favorite breakfast cafes or coffee shops.)
Exercise together
Along with treatment, physical activity can help alleviate some of the symptoms of postpartum depression. Research shows exercise can boost your mood and even help with long-term depression.
Even if your loved one doesn’t feel ready for high-intensity exercise like they may have loved pre-pregnancy (or if they haven’t been cleared for that by their healthcare provider yet), little movements still count. Taking a walk with a new mom and their baby is a great way to offer postpartum depression support. If they’re looking for something more targeted, there are streaming workout programs that offer classes for all ages and skill levels, including prenatal and postpartum options.
Offer to watch their baby or older children
Going to therapy or a support group for postpartum depression can be a challenge for a mom who doesn’t have reliable childcare. Tell your friend you can watch their baby while they meet with a therapist or attend a postpartum support group. Their counselor might even offer virtual sessions, so your friend can stay at home for their session while you take care of the baby (or let the baby sleep!) in another room. If your friend has older children, offer to take them out of the house while their partner helps with the baby.
Help them find the right postpartum depression support resources
Point your partner or loved one to online postpartum depression support resources, like Postpartum Support International. Help them find a trained perinatal mental health professional in their area, join an online support group meeting, or receive dedicated support from a peer mentor – a fellow parent who’s recovered from a postpartum mood disorder. Many organizations also have helplines that moms can call or text if they ever need to. Psychology Today’s directory of mental health professionals is another resource for finding a therapist, psychiatrist, or support group.
Help your partner get set up with the right support and then continue encouraging them through that process. Drive them to a therapy appointment and wait in the car outside, for example. If you’re a friend or family member that’s also a mom, consider joining a group together near where you live where you can both connect with other women in a similar life stage. Anything you can do to help someone with postpartum depression feel less alone is helpful.
Remind your partner, family member, or friend that PPD is treatable, but recovery takes time. Research has found that depressive symptoms improve with time, although each mother’s timeline is different. About a third to a half of women with PPD still show depressive symptoms at one year postpartum.
Your partner, sibling, or friend might not seem like themselves right now, but continuing to stick by them, show compassion, and provide support can help them heal and feel more like themselves in time.
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