Difficult birth! Childbirth doesn’t always go as planned, and sometimes it can be difficult or even cause birth trauma. Physical or emotional trauma during childbirth can lead to postpartum PTSD or postpartum depression, making it imperative for you to find support. If you’re recovering from a difficult birth experience, don’t blame yourself for what went wrong. Find ways to try to understand and process what happened, and give your body time to heal. If you’re having trouble finding joy in your new role as a mom, reach out to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional, who can help you move forward.
IN THIS ARTICLE
- What is birth trauma?
- Can a traumatic birth experience lead to postpartum PTSD?
- How can I cope with and recover from birth trauma?
- Having another baby after a difficult birth
What is birth trauma?
Birth trauma is an intense feeling of distress that can happen during labor or after you’ve given birth. It’s typically the result of a physical or emotional experience (or both) that happened during birth that was painful, scary, difficult, unexpected, or upsetting.
For months, you may have prepared for what you imagined would be the perfect birth: You took childbirth classes, made a birth plan, went to your prenatal visits, and practiced breathing exercises. Maybe you even hired a birth doula. And then your birth experience ended up being something you weren’t expecting at all.
A difficult birth experience can manifest in many ways: You ended up in the hospital after planning a home birth, for example, or you got an epidural when you hoped to go med-free. You may have experienced severe postpartum hemorrhaging, or had to witness your baby struggle with breathing or be rushed to the NICU. You may have needed an emergency c-section when you were sure you’d have a vaginal birth. In any case, instead of having the profound, beautiful childbirth experience you imagined, you may have ended up feeling frightened, powerless, overwhelmed, and possibly alone.
There are countless ways that giving birth can surprise you, and it can even be physically or emotionally traumatizing. And as a new mom, you may feel upset and even guilty if things didn’t go the way you’d planned. But you’re definitely not alone in struggling with the aftermath of a disappointing or difficult birth experience — in fact, up to 45 percent of new mothers have reported experiencing birth trauma.
Can a traumatic birth experience lead to postpartum PTSD?
Yes, it’s possible. Some birth experiences are traumatic, not just disappointing, and can cause long-lasting emotional and physical repercussions. Both subjective and objective experiences can lead to postpartum mental health conditions, whether you perceived trauma or there was an objective medical trauma, such as a near-death experience.
Postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder (PP-PTSD) is similar to typical PTSD, but specifically happens based on an experience related to childbirth. PTSD is a psychiatric disorder that can happen to those who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, such as a devastating weather incident, sexual assault, war, or in this case, a problematic childbirth.
More postpartum moms than you might think have PTSD after childbirth, as any scary experience from the past has the potential to trigger birth trauma. Acute rates range from around 4 to 6 percent of births, and more significant symptoms occurred in almost 17 percent of women.
Women with a prior history of trauma, including sexual assault or childhood abuse, are at a higher risk of experiencing birth trauma. In addition, women who had fertility problems while trying to conceive have a tenfold increase in the risk for postpartum PTSD.
You may be experiencing postpartum PTSD if you notice any of these symptoms:
- Flashbacks and nightmares
- Insomnia or other sleep disturbances
- Anxiety or panic attacks
- A sense of detachment
- Difficulty breastfeeding, bonding with your baby, or having sex
If you think you may have postpartum PTSD, it’s important to talk to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional. They’ll often refer you to a perinatal counselor skilled in postpartum PTSD, and can also prescribe medication to help with symptoms if needed. Ask your provider for a referral to the proper resources. If you have a postpartum doula, they may also be able to help you debrief and find the proper mental health support.
Treatment for postpartum PTSD varies, but may include somatic-based therapy, which integrates body awareness into the therapy process, or EDMR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), which involves using specific eye movements to revisit and heal from disturbing images and memories.
How can I cope with and recover from birth trauma?
Depending on the severity of your traumatic birth, you may need professional intervention and medical treatment. If you think you’re suffering from postpartum PTSD, for example, mental health support and further treatment are essential for recovery. But not all difficult births cause PTSD, and some simply need some time, attention, meditation, and conversation to process.
Talk about it with someone
Facing your trauma can be terrifying, but with the right support, it can help you resolve your sadness. This can all take a lot of time, so go easy on yourself, which means trying not to tell yourself that you “shouldn’t” feel this way. Your feelings are real and valid. Talking through them with a partner, a friend, or a mental health professional can help you see them as real and meaningful emotions.
Many people find that talking about what happened with a therapist helps them work through their disappointment.
If you like to write, try journaling about your experience. Treat yourself to a beautiful journal, search online for a free journaling app, or keep a simple document on your tablet, phone, or computer.
It can be emotionally wrenching when your baby’s delivery resembles a medical school film instead of the beautiful, transcendent videos from your childbirth class. Well-meaning people may unintentionally make things worse by saying, “At least you have a healthy baby!” While this is a wonderful thing, it doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel upset or that you should dismiss your feelings.
Process and understand exactly what happened
It may help to talk to your healthcare provider to get another account of the events surrounding your delivery. This can put your experience in perspective and answer any lingering questions about what did – or didn’t – happen. You can schedule a postpartum checkup with your OBGYN, midwife, and/or doula for this exact purpose. Ask them to explain the specific events of the birth from their perspective, which might help you understand exactly what happened.
Your birthing team’s explanations might shed some light on how and why complications may have occurred, along with positives on how you handled the situation. You might find it empowering to hear someone else discuss specific aspects of the birth that they feel demonstrated your strength, communication, and determination.
If this is something you’re interested in, make sure you let your OB or midwife know that you want to discuss the birth in detail, so they allot enough time to talk to you and you don’t feel rushed.
Give your body time to heal
Unfortunately, a difficult birth can often make for a more difficult physical recovery. You may be dealing with a bad perineal tear or a painful c-section incision. You’re probably stunned and exhausted, too. While some of this is to be expected, other times it signals something is wrong.
Your body needs to recover, and the best way to do that is to rest – easier said than done now that you have a newborn. The key is to focus on yourself and your baby, and let the other things slide. This means letting the dishes pile up in the sink, procrastinating on those thank you notes and phone calls, and ignoring the vacuum cleaner or your email inbox.
Take help from anyone who offers it. If people want to bring you dinner, don’t turn them down. You can even request mood-boosting foods or the fixings for some healthy snacks.
To help care for older children, hire a babysitter (if you’re able), ask a friend or family member to lend a hand, or add a preschool day to your child’s schedule. You might also want to temporarily relax your screen time for older kids – during this chaotic time, a little extra screen time probably won’t hurt.
Sometimes physical or emotional conditions can make it even harder to recover from a bad birth experience. Having the baby blues for more than a couple weeks, for example, can signal postpartum depression. Lingering fatigue, sleep problems, and lack of energy can be a sign of thyroid problems that some women experience in the year after giving birth.
If any of these symptoms are adding to the difficulty of recovering from a difficult birth, let your healthcare provider know. If you’re struggling with thoughts about hurting yourself or your baby go to your hospital’s emergency room immediately.
Don’t blame or judge yourself – and don’t let others either
Some women may feel guilty for receiving any kind of intervention during labor, from IV medication to a forceps or vacuum delivery or a c-section. Additionally, some feel they didn’t advocate enough for themselves and voice what they wanted. It’s all understandable, but that doesn’t mean it’s true.
For some women, the feeling that they “failed the first test” by not being able to have an unmedicated and uncomplicated vaginal birth can affect how competent they feel as mothers. Women with difficult birth experiences may have the feeling that they are starting off already behind in their mothering.
The truth is that you didn’t fail. Labor and birth are different for everyone – and some are simply more complicated than others. Medical interventions can be necessary to save the life of a mother and child. Medications for pain relief during labor are often warranted and necessary.
Try to reframe your feelings: You’re not a failure – you’re a survivor. You got through this, and so did your baby. If anything, this gives you extra preparation for parenthood, which is full of unexpected ordeals. Try not to let comments from friends and family about their own birth experiences (“I could handle the pain” or “It’s too bad you didn’t deliver vaginally”) get to you.
Try not to judge yourself, either. You may be disappointed for feeling frustrated about your delivery, especially if you thought your expectations were realistic. But don’t give in to those feelings of guilt – childbirth is emotionally intense no matter what, and it’s okay to feel the way you do.
Having another baby after a difficult birth
If you had a traumatic birth, or even just an extremely difficult experience, the last thing you might feel like doing is going through it again. Yet thousands of women do just that every day, facing future childbirths in spite of unprocessed past experiences. It can be beneficial to take the time to fully understand and process your traumatic birth before doing it again.
Some moms who had a traumatic birth can develop tokophobia, or fear of childbirth, based on their valid experiences the last time. Remember that some anxiety during pregnancy is natural, even if you’ve had a baby before, but that overwhelming feelings of panic that are impeding on your life are not, and may require some professional help.
Also remember that each birth story is very individual: Just because you had a c-section last time doesn’t mean you will again – in many cases, a vaginal birth after a c-section is possible. And just because you wanted an epidural this time doesn’t mean you have to next time, or vice versa.
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