- Prepare as much as you can ahead of time
- Ask for — and accept — help
- Accept visitors only when you’re ready
- Rest up
- Go outside
- Know your limits
- Find supportive healthcare providers
- Trust your gut
- Tell yourself: This, too, shall pass
Tips. The first few weeks with your newborn will be easier if you’re prepared. Here are a few expert tips from experienced parents.
Prepare as much as you can ahead of time Tips from parents
“Find a good lactation consultant, preferably before you give birth. My son had major feeding problems the first week or two, and I wish I had lined someone up for consultations ahead of time. It would have saved me many tears and feelings of inadequacy during a hormonally tumultuous period.”
“Being ready food-wise when the baby comes is something I never even thought about with my first. I highly recommend cooking and freezing favorite meals. Alternatively, stock up with stuff from the frozen casserole section at the store. My husband can’t cook, and we don’t want to starve or live on takeout like we did after our first baby! This time I’m stocking up for at least the first six weeks.”
“Stock up on food and other necessities. I was totally unprepared for how overwhelmed I’d be – meaning, I had zero time or inclination to go grocery shopping and make meals. I spent a lot of time leading up to my son’s birth getting his room ready, etc., when I should have been making and freezing meals. Pizza delivery and take-out can only get you so far.”
“Take a class on infant care through your hospital. You’ll learn the basics of holding, bathing, feeding, and so on. It will make you feel much more comfortable in the first few weeks when your baby seems so fragile.”
“The most helpful thing as far as planning ahead was setting up who would help me at certain times of the day. My husband took vacation the week the baby was born, and my mom took vacation the next week. After that my sisters would call and see if I needed any help or breaks. It was great knowing I had people who could and would help me, and which times they were available.”
Ask for — and accept — help
“Use your resources – Mom, Grandma, your hospital’s staff, the pediatrician, friends with kids. They love to answer questions, and remember that no question is dumb.”
“Accept help whenever offered! If friends ask you what they can do, suggest they prepare meals for you or babysit your older children. Hire someone to clean. Send the little ones to day camp. Nobody will accuse you of being selfish or a bad mother. It’s the only way to keep your sanity. (And it will allow you to spend time alone with your new bundle of joy.)”
“Don’t try to be a hero! New moms (myself included) get this crazy notion that they should be able to do it all themselves and be “supermom” right out of the gate! You will only run yourself ragged. Get your rest and accept help. If someone asks if there is anything they can do for you, say yes, and then be specific! “Can you pick up some diapers and wipes for me?” “Can you set up a meal train?” People want to help, and specific requests let them know they are doing things that will really make a difference.”
Accept visitors only when you’re ready
“Decide what your policy will be on visitors. Include some rules for relatives and friends, who sometimes believe they have a right or a duty to spend every second of the day with you and the baby. Yes, you will need lots of help, but that doesn’t mean the end of your privacy, and not every visitor will be helpful.”
Rest up
“What I remember the most was trying to nap while the baby did. Let the household chores wait. You need your sleep much more than the house needs a vacuuming!”
“During my daughter’s first six weeks, I learned that all the articles that tell you to rest when the baby does are actually right. Whenever my daughter took her naps, I usually caught up on housework, but by 7 p.m. I was sound asleep on the floor. Whatever else you do, make sure you get your rest. It will help you and the baby.”
Go outside
“I remember the pacing around the house with a fussy baby while the sun was shining so brightly outside. When I took the baby out, I would still be holding him, so it didn’t seem like much of a break. Then one day it dawned on me! I put a big comforter on the grass under a tree and put a baby quilt on top of that.
Now, every day that it’s nice outside, we lie in the yard. We’ve been doing this since Noah was a month old and he loves it! Make sure you dress your baby appropriately and be sure to stay out of the sun. It’s a very relaxing way to share the outdoors with your baby.”
Know your limits
“If you’re feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and emotionally unstable, you might have a more serious problem than just the “baby blues.” I didn’t realize I had postpartum depression until my son was almost 6 months old and I finally got the help I needed. Don’t feel ashamed or guilty or that you let anyone down. Get help. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.”
“My daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was almost 2 years old, and those first few months were very difficult. At times I would feed her, change her diaper, get her comfortable and then put her in her crib, shut the door, and go sleep for an hour. It was the only way I could keep my sanity. Even though I felt guilty letting her cry, I knew that I couldn’t take care of either of us when I was having trouble keeping my head on straight! Those little naps saved me.”
“If you’re at the end of your rope because your baby won’t stop crying, and he’s not hungry, cold, wet, sick or hurt, and you’re afraid you’re going to hurt yourself or the baby, put him in a safe place. Then step out of the room for five or ten minutes until you’ve calmed yourself down.”
Find supportive healthcare providers
“I remember when I brought my first child home from the hospital, I was terrified. I was so scared people would think of me as an idiot for asking dumb questions. Finally, having screwed up the first time, I found a great pediatrician who was patient herself and had a very patient and understanding nurse on staff. They answered every question, whether totally dumb or completely relevant.”
— Anon
Trust your gut
“I just went with my instincts – no matter what they were. I knew that I was going through a difficult time and that I would make mistakes, but I needed to do that so I could learn what was best for my baby and me. The postpartum period can do crazy things to your mind. You second-guess yourself incessantly, but you’ll find that your instincts will pull you through. There’s no need to justify anything to anyone. You have to concentrate on you and your little one.”
Tell yourself: This, too, shall pass
“When you start out, you think, “I’m never going to be good at this,” and then it becomes second nature. The child becomes an integral part of your life so that you couldn’t imagine a time when you weren’t a parent. So relax, enjoy the good and bad times, because your baby grows up so fast. Eventually, every child will sleep more (and so will you), and every child will be more independent. You’ll never forget the first time your baby smiles at you or the first time she looks at you and calls you “Mama” or “Dada” or the times she falls asleep on your chest. It makes all the other frustrating stuff pale in comparison.”
“Take it one day at a time, don’t worry about next week until it gets here, and know that whatever happens – your baby won’t stop crying, something is new to you, you start to panic over something – it will be okay! Your baby is just as new to this as you are.”
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