Not breastfeed! The choice of whether or not breastfeed is personal and can be influenced by many factors, including how much breast milk you produce, how much support you have, your medications, and how much time you have off work, along with your own preferences. If you’re struggling with not breastfeeding challenges, a lactation consultant or doctor can offer help. But if you decide that breastfeeding isn’t for you, rest assured your little one will get all the nutrients they need from formula, and the two of you will still bond.
IN THIS ARTICLE
- Reasons why some moms can’t or want to not breastfeed
- What if I want to, but I can’t breastfeed?
- Will I still bond with my baby if I don’t breastfeed?
How to feed your baby is one of the first and biggest questions a new parent will face, and it can be very emotional and polarizing. There are proven benefits to breastfeeding, but the reality is, your baby’s needs, along with your own physical and emotional health, may make formula-feeding a better alternative for you. There’s really no universal, best decision that applies to every family.
The best way to feed your baby is the way that works for you and your family, and allows your baby to get the nutrition they need to grow and thrive. And the decision whether or not breastfeed is personal and can be influenced by many factors, including how much support you have at home or from professionals, how much breast milk you produce, how much maternity leave you have off work after giving birth, your ability to pump while you’re back at your job, or even just your own personal preferences and how you feel about your body.
Some moms want to breastfeed and are excited to try, but may come to learn that – even with the guidance of a lactation professional – they don’t produce enough milk. Or their baby has a medical condition that makes human milk off-limits. Other parents know from the start they’d rather use formula due to physical reasons, lifestyle circumstances, or even past trauma that makes breastfeeding triggering.
Whatever you do, the reasons for how you choose to feed your baby are valid. And rest assured your little one will receive all the nutrients they need to grow and develop whether you feed them formula, breast milk, or a combination of the two.
Reasons why some moms can’t or want to not breastfeed
For some moms, breastfeeding is relatively straightforward and doesn’t come with too many challenges, but for others, breastfeeding just doesn’t work no matter how hard they try.
There are also many medical conditions or life circumstances that make breastfeeding impractical and, in some cases, impossible. These can include:
- Cancer treatment. Some forms of cancer treatment, like chemotherapy and certain types of radiation therapy, are not compatible with breastfeeding as they can pose risks to a nursing infant. Moms who want to breastfeed while undergoing cancer treatment should speak with their healthcare providers about the best course of treatment for them.
- HIV. Because the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) is spread through bodily fluids, which includes breast milk the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommend not breastfeed if you’re HIV positive. However, HIV treatments have come a long way in recent years and the risk of transmission is significantly lower when certain interventions are in place. If you’re HIV positive and want to breastfeed, discuss your options with your provider.
- Previous breast surgery. If you’ve had a breast augmentation, breast reduction, or mastectomy, you may not be able to breastfeed. Depending on the type of surgery you had and how it was performed you may be able to still produce breast milk, but it isn’t a guarantee. If you’ve had breast surgery and want to breastfeed, talk with your doctor about your options and try to connect with a lactation consultant who can offer support and guidance.
- Little to no maternity leave. Breastfeeding takes time to establish, and frequent feedings are needed to regulate your milk supply. The need to feed every few hours presents a challenge for parents with little to no maternity leave who may have to go back to work only a few weeks after giving birth. Even if you can pump at work, it can be hard to juggle the demands of going back with caring for a newborn at home. For many parents, a lack of paid family leave after having a child makes establishing a solid breastfeeding relationship nearly impossible.
- A baby with complex medical needs. If your baby spent time in the NICU or has certain allergies and food sensitivities that impact your ability to breastfeed, breast may not necessarily be best for you or your little one. There are also certain medical conditions, like galactosemia, that make formula the better option. Galactosemia is a rare genetic condition that makes babies unable to digest the sugar in any kind of milk. If your baby has this condition, you’ll need to feed them a non-dairy formula alternative under the guidance of your pediatrician.
These are just a few reasons why breastfeeding isn’t best for all families, but it isn’t an exhaustive list. For some parents the reason is simply because they don’t want to, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Formula is a healthy alternative to breast milk that will provide your child with the nutrients they need regardless of your reasons for opting not to breastfeed.
What if I want to, but I can’t breastfeed?
For some parents who want to breastfeed, experiencing road bumps and challenges along the way – however normal they are – can be disheartening. You may find that breastfeeding is uncomfortable or painful, your baby isn’t gaining weight as well as they need to, or you have an inadequate milk supply.
The good news is that many of these struggles can be overcome with the help of an experienced professional, such as an international board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC), certified lactation consultant (CLC), certified lactation educator (CLE), or a postpartum doula with lactation training. The hospital or birth center you gave birth in may be able to provide you with information about how to connect with one of these experts or may even have a breastfeeding support line you can call for help.
These professionals can work in person or virtually to help evaluate your baby’s latch, positioning, and your nipple shape and size, as well as offer guidance on feeding schedules and nursing best practices. All of these factors can impact your ability to produce breast milk, breastfeed without pain or discomfort, and for your baby to efficiently nurse.
If you aren’t able to work through breastfeeding challenges or find the toll of nursing to be too exhausting or negatively affecting your mental health, you can always make the decision to not breastfeeding. If you’ve been not breastfeeding, it’s a good idea to work with a lactation professional to wean so your breasts don’t become engorged or you have other issues as you switch to formula-feeding.
Here are some other ways to take care of yourself if you’re struggling with disappointment over breastfeeding challenges:
Give yourself a break. If you’ve been set on breastfeeding since pregnancy, you’re probably feeling disappointed. Just like moms who opt for a vaginal childbirth but end up needing a c-section, women who want to breastfeed but can’t often feel a sense of failure and sometimes blame themselves.
Try not to beat yourself up, but do take the time you need to feel sad, mad, or any other emotion you may be experiencing. And even though experts say that breastfeeding is the best nutritional option for babies, it’s not right – or possible – for every mom.
Today’s commercially prepared baby formulas are nutritious and even contain some vitamins and nutrients that breastfed babies need to get from supplements, so if you can’t breastfeed you can still feel confident that your baby is getting what they need.
Talk about your feelings. If you consulted a lactation expert through your nursing troubles, talk to them. Be honest about your feelings. They’ll likely offer soothing and consoling words that you can take to heart. Postpartum doulas can also guide you through this transition and offer recommendations and guidance on bottle-feeding and how to safely handle formula.
Your spouse or partner (if you have one), good friends, and family members can also be great sounding boards for your feelings.
Breastfeeding struggles can contribute to postpartum mood disorders, like postpartum depression (PPD) or anxiety (PPA). If you’re feeling especially down or anxious, or you’re struggling to find the joy in being a new mom, reach out to your healthcare provider or a mental health counselor or therapist, who can help you work through your emotions and feel better.
Find out about donated breast milk. If your heart’s set on feeding your baby breast milk and your child meets certain criteria – like being premature or ill – you may qualify for donated breast milk from a milk bank. Talk to your child’s doctor about the possibilities.
Try to drop any feelings of guilt. The messaging and societal pressure put on new moms to breastfeed can take a toll on your mental and emotional wellbeing. But, according to the CDC, many parents will supplement with formula at some point in the first year, and many choose to switch over to formula entirely. It’s normal to experience guilt about feeding decisions as well as many other parenting conundrums, but that doesn’t mean you have to feel that way. If your little one is bottle fed, you can feel confident they’re getting all the nutrients they need.
Will I still bond with my baby if I don’t breastfeed?
Absolutely. Breastfeeding is a wonderful way to strengthen your connection with your child, but it isn’t the only way. At feeding time, hold your infant close to you and make eye contact. Regardless of how your child is fed, they’ll feel the warmth and care of your arms and the comfort, security, and nutrition you provide regardless of its source.
Remember that your relationship with your child won’t be based solely on your ability to nurse them. How you respond when your baby cries, how often you hold and play with them, and how present you are as a parent matter more than how you feed them.
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